Update Required: Refreshing Our Identity

Recently, my wife and I had a conversation about identity. She shared how clinging to an outdated image of herself was holding her back from moving forward, personally and professionally, and how working with a coach has helped her identify this pattern. I thought back on my own life and realised that we often anchor ourselves to past identities that no longer serve us, limiting our potential for growth.

Identity is like software. Just as our devices require updates to function smoothly, our self-perception must evolve to align with the evolution of our lives. Our aspirations, circumstances, and priorities shift naturally over time. Clinging to outdated versions of ourselves only risks making us obsolete.

Years ago, when I threw myself into entrepreneurship, I was filled with ambition, the thrill of independence, and the excitement of building something new from scratch. I define myself with conviction as a social entrepreneur, living and breathing that identity.

Later, when I transitioned from social entrepreneur to international civil servant, my identity required recalibration. Suddenly, my autonomy was replaced by accountability to supervisors, colleagues, and the world. The cloak of entrepreneurship no longer fit. It was misaligned with my new responsibilities, my new environment, and this new phase of my life. Realigning my identity demanded intentionality, patience, and consistently reminding myself who I had become.

Identity is not static. It is an evolving story, woven through experiences, relationships, roles, and beliefs. When our internal narrative no longer matches our reality, we feel tense, anxious. To truly thrive, we must be willing to shed the labels that confine us and embrace new ways of seeing ourselves and each other.

How can we consciously adapt our identities? When my own life required a pivot, I began by redefining my personal story. Who was I? Who am I now? Who am I becoming? Answering these questions helped me anchor my new identity firmly within my daily life, identifying the habits I needed to cultivate and the lessons I needed to learn. Each small action I took was like casting a vote for the person I aspired to become.

Our environments also play a pivotal role in shaping our identities. The people we spend time with, the spaces we occupy, and the content we consume either reinforce old patterns or nurture our evolving selves. If we curate our environment with intention, we can reinforce our chosen identities.

And it’s not just our external environment that’s important. Monitoring our internal dialogue is critical. Words have the power to shape worlds. Negative self-labels (“I am terrible at maths”) limit potential; shifting to positive reframing (“These numbers don’t make sense… yet”) opens pathways to growth and self-acceptance.

Reflecting on your own journey, dear reader, are there outdated aspects of your identity still lingering, holding you back? What small, deliberate actions can you take today to align your identity with the person you aspire to become?

Let us embrace the flexibility and courage to evolve. Our future selves will thank us.